How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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