my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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