Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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