So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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