We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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