My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i now understand why vodka
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
