i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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