we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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