i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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