I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
