Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
