Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
