I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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