It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
