I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
