Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
