Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
