1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
