youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
