you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
