I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
