I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
