just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
