I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
