sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
