People in love make me want to vomit
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
