mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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