someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
