I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
