Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
