are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
