Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Damn victory sex feels great
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
