You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
