I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
