Your dad touched me again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
