This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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