The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
