Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
