it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
