Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
