so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
