at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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