U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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