why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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