I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
