Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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