Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
