tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
