we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
