Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
