I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
