That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
