well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Mom said you looked used
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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