i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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