how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He felt like a one man threesome
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How does one acquire holy water?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
