i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Everclear isn't food dammit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
